and all our sins come back to haunt us in the end [entries|friends|calendar] you'll die trying to live this down [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[12 Sep 2003|02:27am] [ music | switchblades & infidelity :: fall out boy ] i got a new livejournal. comment (if you'd like) to be added to it. this one is staying up, but there won't be anymore updates. 4 -*- can't go home again.

[08 Sep 2003|06:38pm] [ mood | cranky ] [ music | fall back down :: rancid ] can you feel the pink, kids? i decided to stop being emo child and use color in my journal. you know you love it. comment links and title are from straylight run; mistakes we knew we were making. medicate yourselves [i just stole pete's phrase] and go check out straylight run. go now .. before i beat you with a stick. 5 -*- can't go home again.

[07 Sep 2003|01:16am] [ music | those days you felt alive :: spitalfield ] i'm so beyond frustrated right now. i know exactly what's going on. fuck that noise, i won't waste anymore time on this. ( i think i know what you won't tell me ) imissfeelingsafe - imisstherain - imissyou. this all made no sense. i should get more sleep. everything is only incoherent babble when i'm running hardly any of it. can't go home again.

[06 Sep 2003|06:10pm] i fucking hate having a boyfriend in the military sometimes. 2 -*- can't go home again.

[31 Aug 2003|01:57am] [ mood | giddy ] [ music | my favorite accident :: motion city soundtrack ] new found glory kid of owns me. ( these are the best years of our lives. ) 3 -*- can't go home again.

[30 Aug 2003|01:10pm] [ mood | nerdy ] [ music | foreign language :: anberlin ] my stepdad is really pissed off with me because i'm going to this show tonight. he won't even look at me, let alone talk to me. i hope he realizes that it's his own fault, to an extent. he should know me well enough by now to know that if he tells me not to do something, i'll find a way to do it just to spite him. i'm like that with everyone and i always have been, so he shouldn't take it so personally. it's labor day weekend and he's worried about all the traffic and how people drive. he doesn't want me to get killed for this. eh. uhm. that's all. i forgot what else i was going to say. goodbye. 2 -*- can't go home again.

and when it all goes to hell, will you be able to tell me sorry with a straight face? [29 Aug 2003|05:10pm] [ mood | rejected ] [ music | the patron saint of liars & fakes :: fall out boy ] i need to register for school soon. it should have been done already, truthfully. life got in the way of life, so of course i fell behind again. but mom offered to send me to florida [after october], so that means it would be pointless to register for school. on the other hand, i don't know if i'll even be going to florida, so i could still register and get it all over with. but then if i go ... yeah. i don't know what to do. i want to get out of here and i miss florida [and all the people there!] terribly. and do i really want to work 9-5 and go to school 7-10? of course not. but i have to if i ever want to feel good enough. i feel like such a disappointment, and i'll be damned if i'm going to live my whole life feeling this way. i want to wake up one morning and not hate me. i'll let you know how that goes. maybe i'll just take some time off from school. i could do that, and it'll give me some time to figure things out a little. moving on ... i don't know why some people still need to remind me that my father does not care about me. isn't it bad enough i already feel that if i had been enough he would have stayed? apparently .. no, it's not bad enough. let's just remind her that he really doesn't care about her at all, or else he'd be here. rah! okay. i'm going to see new found glory in asbury park tomorrow night. with catch 22, glassjaw, h20, and roger miret & the disasters. should be good times. i really want to go see yellowcard on september 8th. but i doubt i'll be able to go. but! yellowcard, fall out boy and matchbook romance are playing birch hill on october 3rd. that is orgasmic. i must go. i'll take a bus, i really don't care. if i can go to that, then i'm under house arrest, pretty much. my mom and stepdad are pissed off about the number of shows i've gone to [four this year, since february], so i was told no more after tomorrow night. maybe if i promise them my soul i can go to this one show, too? or i could work and go to school and become a recluse. a smart one who's making money, but a recluse nonetheless. i'm sure my stepdad would be thrilled about that. can't go home again.

[29 Aug 2003|01:14am] [ mood | lazy ] [ music | now's the time :: slick shoes ] 01-- When and how did we meet?: 02-- What did you first notice about me?: 03-- What do you like most about me?: 04-- Are we friends?: 05-- Have you ever seen me with my shirt off?: 06-- Have you ever seen me cry?: 07-- Describe me in four words?: 08-- If we could spend a day together what would we do?: 09-- Have we ever gotten in a fight?: 10-- If you could give me a present what would it be?: 11-- Would you hug me?: 12-- What do you really think of me?: 13-- Have we ever kissed?: 14-- Has there ever been anything you wanted to tell me,but were scared to?: 15-- Wanna make out?: 16-- Name one thing you do not like about me: humor me, kids. 8 -*- can't go home again.

[27 Aug 2003|09:41pm] you want to play this game? okay. ready? on your mark, get set ... go. ...i quit the game. you win. 1 -*- can't go home again.

...and the fault is my own. [26 Aug 2003|06:17pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | somewhere i belong :: linkin park ] 9/8 CD World Menlo Park, NJ in-store performance/signing @ 7:00pm yellowcard. everyone cross your fingers that my stepdad will be in a good mood later when i ask him if i can go. it's only 31 minutes away [i did the math]. but it's on a monday so i may as well forget about the whole thing. 3 -*- can't go home again.

[24 Aug 2003|10:05pm] tonight was the first night in a long time that i have wanted to run away. just pack a bag and run, and not tell anyone where i'm going. sometimes i think i'd be better off out there. becka is going to come. we're running to california. heh. 6 -*- can't go home again.

[23 Aug 2003|05:05pm] [ mood | blank ] i feel lost today. i have so many thoughts in my head and i don't know how to set them straight anymore. i'm going to explode one day. rah! my soulmate has asked me to mention her newfound love of caesar dressing. she also offered to adopt me. i'm going now. i don't even feel like typing anymore. it's okay to be angry and never let go it only gets harder the more that you know 2 -*- can't go home again.

[21 Aug 2003|06:47pm] does anyone want to adopt me? just for a little while? ...i can't stay in this house when he's like this. 3 -*- can't go home again.

pictures! wee. [17 Aug 2003|05:08pm] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | back home :: yellowcard ] there are some of my warped tour pictures behind the cut. a lot of yellowcard, because for some reason those came out the best. i took a hell of a lot more than what's here, but i'm too lazy to scan them all. and my scanner is acting up, so these aren't too great. eh, oh well.. ( there's nothing real for them to see here. ) 3 -*- can't go home again.

warped tour! :) [12 Aug 2003|05:46pm] [ mood | sleepy ] [ music | rough draft :: yellowcard ] happy birthday, lea!! i love you, my blt! thanks for everything you've done for me. i swear i owe you my soul. *jumps on you* mmkay. now .. hello, all. i'm home. i've been home since yesterday, but i was kind of dead then, so there was no journal updating for me. and because you all know i love to write in detail, and i don't want to kill anyone's friends list, there's a day by day account of my week with lea behind the cut. comment so i can feel special for once. ( i'm finding my own words. ) 4 -*- can't go home again.

[09 Aug 2003|01:14pm] [ mood | sore ] just some small updates from my first warped show of the weekend [it was yesterday]. - i met nick [from mest]. - pierre [from simple plan] called me cute. haugakvaufaf eee. - i met yellowcard. <3 amazing set they played, too. - i got a sunburn. i had suncreen that i didn't put on. call me stupid. it's not that bad, though. - i think connie broke her toe. don't wear flip flops to a concert, kids. - i blacked out in the ataris pit and had to be crowd surfed out. it was eventful. - i missed the used. i'm sad. oh well, i'll just see them tomorrow. - i missed simple plan's set because i saw brand new. i loved. very much. and in other news: i talked to my mom before, and she told me i got a letter from chris. eeeeee. it's about time. i want to know what he had to say [very much, i do], but i didn't want my mom to read it to me over the phone because god only knows what he put in there. mmkay. i'm gonna go now. lea's got to go to work later, and now we're off to pick up the pictures from yesterday [some of them, anyway]. i'll write a longer, more detailed entry on monday when i get home. byeeeee. 3 -*- can't go home again.

[06 Aug 2003|10:03pm] [ mood | chipper ] hiiii, everyone! i'm at lea's house. everyone remind me next time i come that i musy bring my allergy medicine, mmkay? because dogs+trees=achoo. uhm. i went to work with lea and connie today. they had to clean the bathrooms [they work at a campground]. i helped. that's right. manual labor that i didn't have to do, and i volunteered to do it. and then ... lea took us on a tour of the camp. on a golf cart. have you ever tried squeezing three girls [average age: 18] on a standard size golf cart? it's mighty interesting. aaaanyway. we [jenna, katie, lea and i] just watched bringing down the house. it was hilarious. and now. lea and i are going to bed. that's right, it's before midnight and i'm getting ready to go to bed. this is a first time thing, i believe. one of the dogs just took over lea's bed. and she doesn't want to move. ahahaha. 5 -*- can't go home again.

[04 Aug 2003|11:57pm] [ mood | horny ] [ music | in my eyes :: rufio ] i want my boyfriend to come home. and i don't just mean that i want to see him [i do. more than anything], but i just really want him right now. bad. ok? yeah... moving on ... i've discovered that allie is my twin soul. i never have to say anything to her, she just knows. and she understands. all the time, without fail. she can read my mind. i swear it. it's kind of weird. the only other person i have that connection with is chris, and it's been that way for years. chris is my soulmate. i don't mean in the boyfriend type of way, i mean friendship wise. i don't have words to describe how wonderful he's been through it all. before he left for basic training, he had this freakish way of calling or IMing me [when something was wrong], and saying "you're upset. i can feel it." and he was always on the ball. it's so-very-odd. and allie is the same way. i love the people in my life. i'm going to lea's in the morning. and i'll be back sometime next week. i don't know when, exactly. yes, you can all see how well i plan ahead. warped tour on friday. and sunday. eeeeee. just letting you all know. as if anyone cares where i disappear to. i'll go now. 2 -*- can't go home again.

...with things that i love now the things that i hate [04 Aug 2003|08:38pm] i've come to conclude that i don't know anything. i say this because just when i think i have my story straight, i know what's what and how it came to be, someone blows that deal out of the water. then, they slap me in the face with something else entirely. this is my family. everything i knew [or thought i did] was a fucking lie. and no one ever bothered to tell me the truth. someone should have been the one to tell me how the people in my life came to be there. and i hate him. the one person i love more than anything in the world is gone and it's largely his fault. i know that now. i know things. maybe i always knew that, but it's hard to believe things that just seem to be too far out of grasp. knowing nothing is better than knowing at all. and i don't want him to be like this. i want him to get help. i want him to survive this. and i want him to be there. and i want to hate him. and i can't. _(*@!_$*#)! too many feelings and thoughts are too mixed up in my head. 1 -*- can't go home again.

[04 Aug 2003|06:36pm] [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | wake up :: three days grace ] "she's into that goth shit? that's fucking whack, man." ldhabdgaoftwqpabhd8qk so all of a sudden there's something wrong with me because of the way i dress? he doesn't call or come for more than two years, and that's all he has to say when he finally shows up again? family is the most important thing you'll ever have. 2 -*- can't go home again.

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